Attending Meeting

Visitors to meeting should be welcomed, and care taken to help them understand and relate to Friends' ways. Study groups in which newer attenders mix with experienced members can help, as can easy access to Quaker books, periodicals, and pamphlets. Regular attenders should be invited to participate in the life of the Meeting - to observe and take appropriate part in our distinctive ways of worship, business, and committee work, and in our potlucks, work projects, and ministries. Membership in the Society of Friends is membership in the monthly meeting community. The best orientation to a meeting may be the opportunity to be with its members while they do what they care about.

Attenders may wish to discuss their spiritual goals and concerns with Friends before making an application for membership, or before feeling any clear interest in applying. Experienced Friends should be alert to this possibility, and make themselves available for such discussion. Attenders who find themselves nourished by their involvement with Meeting, comfortable with Friends' approach and testimonies, and interested in taking up the responsibilities of membership, should be encouraged to consider membership.

Sometimes long-time attenders act with the responsibility and commitment hoped for in members, and feel that they are members in all but name. A Meeting might gently encourage such attenders to join, as a matter of truth-telling and integrity. But occasionally committed attendance is the right choice for someone, and should be respected.

Applying for Membership

An attender who wishes to join begins by making a formal request to the monthly Meeting. Usually this takes the form of a letter, which often will describe the nature or history of the applicant's interest in Friends. The clerk of the meeting shares this request with the Meeting during a meeting for business.

A clearness committee to visit with the applicant is either appointed directly by the meeting for business, or (especially in larger meetings) by the Meeting's ministry and oversight committee. An effort should be made to choose discerning Friends; the applicant's closest associates will not always be the ones best suited for this service. In a very small meeting, it will often be best for the Meeting to act as a committee of the whole.

The clearness committee visits with the applicant in a spirit of expectant waiting and tender searching. Beginning and ending the visit in silent worship is appropriate, as is taking time, during the conversation, to center down and to seek guidance.

The clearness that is sought is two-fold: Is this the right step for the applicant? and, Is this the right step for the Meeting? Topics that may help shed light on this include the applicant's knowledge and expectations of the Meeting and of Friends generally, his or her religious background and journey, consonance with our testimonies, and degree of comfort with the variety found among Friends.

In some circumstances, a single visit with the applicant will be sufficient; in others, multiple visits may seem appropriate. Sometimes the committee will find it helpful to meet together before or after the visit. The clearness committee and the applicant should keep in mind that they seek a solid clarity and easiness about the decision, not any pre-determined result. At times, a solid clearness is reached quickly and easily; other times, clearness comes only after labor, but may be just as strong. Sometimes, the clearness that is reached will be that the time is not right for membership - that the applicant or the Meeting is being led to wait. Occasionally the clearness may be that membership in the Society of Friends is not the Spirit's leading for an applicant. If applicant and committee remember that the goal is the clearness that allows faithful action, then these outcomes can be seen as positive ones.

If the visitors were appointed by a ministry and oversight committee, that committee generally hears their report and makes a recommendation to Meeting. If the clearness committee was appointed by meeting for business, it makes its report directly to meeting for business, optionally including a recommendation.

In either case, the decision to accept a person into membership is made and minuted by the Monthly Meeting in its meeting for business. Although the meeting for business needs enough information to make a faithful decision, personal information not directly pertinent to the decision should not be included.

Membership of Children

Children in our midst, regardless of their membership status, should be treated as full participants in the life of the Meeting. Meetings do well to nurture all children and young adults in making informed decisions with regard to their membership, when the time is right.

Parents who are members may request membership for their children. Some monthly meetings consider children to be full members. Others consider them to be associate members. Still others offer parents the choice of either full or associate membership for their children. Associate membership differs from full membership in that it does not extend indefinitely, but must be re-affirmed by the individual at some point. Illinois Yearly Meeting has not felt clear about setting any particular age at which associate membership is dropped, and leaves this difficult matter to the discretion of monthly meetings. Meetings are responsible for continuing a caring relationship with associate members as they mature, and for encouraging them to apply for membership when they are ready, whether before or after the end of associate membership.

A request that a child or children be recorded in either category of membership may be made at the time of the child's birth or adoption, or at the time of the parent(s) acceptance into membership, or later. A child may be recorded at the request of one parent and with the permission of the other. Parents requesting full or associate membership for their children should intend to raise them as Friends within a meeting community. Parents may also choose to request no enrollment for the child, leaving the matter to the young person's own leadings, as he or she matures. Monthly meetings should adopt clear policies about the membership status of members' children for whom no request is made. The Meeting has a responsibility to see that children recorded in membership, along with other children among us, have opportunity to reflect on their commitment as they grow toward adulthood.

Monthly meetings are encouraged to respect and support parents' decisions regarding their children's welfare in these matters. Sometimes (especially when a family of Friends transfers from another meeting) this respect and support will involve wrestling with a category of membership, or a conscientious choice, not previously used in the meeting.

There is no minimum age for applying for membership for one's self. Some young people are ready for membership at an early age; others take longer to mature into a sense of clearness about their spiritual path. Associate members, and young people not recorded in membership, may request full membership for themselves using the procedure described above, at any age at which they feel a leading to do so.

Sojourning Members, Transfer of Membership, Isolated Friends

Friends living temporarily at a distance from their home meeting, and near enough to attend another meeting, should usually request sojourning membership in the meeting they are attending. Members who have moved permanently to another area should transfer their membership to their new meeting. These arrangements go beyond record-keeping, allowing the individual to be forthright and honest about his or her real commitments, and helping meetings care for members in a practical way. Either change is initiated by requesting a letter from one's previous or home meeting, to the new meeting. Unless there is compelling reason, a letter recommending the Friend to the new meeting is prepared (by overseers, clerk, or in another appropriate way), signed by the clerk, and forwarded to the new meeting. Meetings generally treat Friends sojourning among them as members, but notify their home meeting when they leave the area. A home meeting drops a transferring member from its rolls when it receives confirmation that the new meeting has received him or her into membership.

Both members and persons interested in Friends sometimes live too far away from a meeting to attend regularly. The mere fact of living at a distance from one's meeting does not alter membership. Options for such persons include establishing a relationship with a meeting near enough to visit periodically, participation in Quarterly and Yearly Meetings and conferences of various kinds, and forming a small worship group with others of like mind in the area. Many of the monthly meetings of Illinois Yearly Meeting began in just this way.

Termination of Membership

A person may resign from the Society of Friends, and should do so if he or she feels strongly out of accord with the faith and practice of Friends, or remains unwilling to participate in meeting for a very long period of time; a meeting may terminate membership if it becomes clear that this is the case with a person. Real life circumstances are usually ambiguous and difficult to interpret. Friends may drift away until their lives show no evidence of interest in continued membership, yet feel reluctant to break with the past - perhaps for sentimental reasons, but perhaps from a deep, if dormant, sense of calling. Some distance themselves after a conflict in Meeting and never fully return; others find that they are led to put their energy exclusively into another spiritual path, yet retain membership. Often Friends need years to come to clarity about such issues. The underlying truth is often at least a little different from the explanations offered quickly and casually. Sometimes old hurts need to be healed before any real clearness is possible. There is much potential for hurt in inquiring into an inactive member's intentions - but there is also much potential for hurt in ignoring such situations. Meetings should explore such situations with real tenderness, taking however much time is necessary.

When it becomes clear that someone no longer intends involvement with the Society of Friends, the integrity both of the meeting and of the former Friend will generally be best supported by releasing that person from membership. Friends recognize that faithful pursuit of God's leadings may engage us in outwardly different paths; ideally, a termination of membership can help the former member focus more clearly on the path to which he or she is actually led. The possibility of affectionate relationship with the meeting community, and with friends within it, is by no means terminated by such action.